he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
