and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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