Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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