my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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