Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
