Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
