and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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