when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
