Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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