just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
