Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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