I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
where am i from again
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
