Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
