So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
