If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
