He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
