She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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