my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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