I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
