So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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