apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
