If i come over, it means nothing
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
