Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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