im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
