i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
