You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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