I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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