U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
