You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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