omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
