you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
please don't ironically join a cult
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