Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
