I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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