I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
