Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
