its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
