You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
