I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
