Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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