I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it because I queefed?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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