i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
