Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
