You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
