You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
