i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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