gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
