It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
