the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
