another moral hangover. fuck.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
