God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
