I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
